Knowledge

Avoidant Attachment: Why Some People Love from a Distance”

PoriPurno News Desk | 8 August ২০২৫

Many want love, but fear intimacy — What psychology says about it

In today’s world, many individuals find themselves entangled in romantic relationships where love is present, yet emotional closeness seems almost impossible. These people desire companionship, but when things begin to get emotionally intimate, they pull away. Psychologists define this behavior as Avoidant Attachment — a type of attachment style rooted in early childhood experiences.


What is Avoidant Attachment?

Avoidant Attachment is not a fear of relationships, but a fear of emotional closeness within a relationship. Individuals with this style want connection but fear getting too close — fearing that closeness may lead to pain, loss, or emotional overwhelm.

This is often shaped by early experiences. For instance, a child who grew up with emotionally distant caregivers — parents who ignored their emotions, dismissed their feelings, or failed to offer consistent affection — may subconsciously adopt the belief:
“The more distance I keep, the safer I’ll be.”

Such individuals learn to suppress emotional needs. To them, vulnerability means danger. Expressing feelings or asking for love only resulted in disappointment in the past, so they grow up protecting themselves behind invisible emotional walls.


How It Affects Relationships

When these individuals enter adulthood and fall in love, they find themselves in a paradox.
Deep inside, they want to connect, yet when someone gets too close, they panic.
If their partner shows too much care or affection, they start thinking:

“This feels too much…”
“What if I lose them?”
“Better not get too close.”

So, they keep their distance — not because they don’t care, but because they’re afraid of the pain that might follow emotional closeness. They love silently. They stay by their partner’s side, but with invisible emotional boundaries.

This often leaves their partner confused:
“Does this person love me or not?”

In truth, they do love. They just don’t know how to show it.

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Healing and Understanding

Avoidant Attachment isn’t a permanent flaw. It’s a defense mechanism that can gradually heal with time, self-awareness, and — most importantly — the right kind of love.

If someone with this attachment style is gently shown that intimacy is not a threat — that emotional closeness doesn’t equal weakness or abandonment — their walls can slowly come down. Trust can be rebuilt. True connection can form.

If you are in a relationship with someone like this, remember:

They love, but may not know how to express it.

And if you are this person:

Know that avoiding emotional closeness may protect you from pain,
but it also deprives you of deep, fulfilling love.

Real love doesn’t thrive in distance. It blossoms in closeness, trust, and vulnerability.


Conclusion

Avoidant Attachment is more common than we think. It is not a flaw in character, but a scar from the past. With empathy, understanding, and communication, these scars can heal — allowing people to love freely, not fearfully.

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